Can You Save A Marriage After An Emotional Affair?

by Areelitaha Joahlanski

The prospects of pulling a couple together after the shock of an emotional affair are complicated. The level of emotions involved are tripled because the person in the affair has lingering feelings outside the marriage, and the person who was cheated on feels even more hurt than if the affair were purely physical in nature. So, what exactly can be done to save a marriage after this mess has been created?

It is the emotional aspect that makes this situation so unbearable. Couples move past physical affairs and one night stands rather quickly, but the knowledge that one spouse had a serious intimate connection to someone else is much harder to brush aside or talk away.

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There are a couple scenarios in which a marriage cannot move forward after this happens. The first scenario involves the person who was involved in the affair. That person has to first honestly assess whether they are over the emotional connection they had with this other person, or whether their heart is still in the affair. A marriage simply will not work if one person has more emotional investment with someone else.

Given that the affair is officially over, that outside emotional connection has been broken, or at least the person is sure that their feelings for their spouse are much more intense than the bond of the affair, then the next scenario moves to the spouse that was cheated on.

If one person is willing to let go of a deep emotional connection to someone else, then the second person needs to be open to actively rekindling trust and ultimately a deeper emotional connection between the couple. If either person is not willing to let go and reinvest in the relationship then it will never work.

Only if both people are open to moving forward and letting the affair go can it actually happen in time. It will not happen quickly and things can never be expected to return as they were before. Essentially a new connection and a new sense of trust must be actively sought until happiness is somehow restored.


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In order to save a marriage after an emotional affair open-hearted communication will be essential. Bitter arguments or throwing dishes is not helpful, but really talking so that everyone feels heard and validated will lead to action that can genuinely heal both people in time.

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